Platinum

Return the overdue book to the Librarian

Listen to the Bush's tragic story

Complete Part 1

Listen to all of Grandpa TieGuy's stories

Deliver porn to Stevie Shades

Acquire the lab technician's eyeball

Listen to every one of Bernie's "Prune Swirl" insults

Get credit card signature from Mothercluck'n Chick'n customer

Learn about 10 different ice cream flavors from Dr. Scoops

Gain access to the girl's locker room.

Ask every person you possibly can out to prom

Stand in one location without moving for 30 minutes

Distract Patty by making Starsky & Hutch get into a fight

Distract Patty by making Starsky & Hutch fall in love

Give a condom to a boy in need

Find a nightmarish costume

Use the retinal scanner in the Secret Lab

Have a conversation with Shark Dad.

Insult every object you can with your "Got 'ems"

Post all three of Sawyer's flyers

Give Hobo Moe a new home

Deliver all the supplies for making fine toilet wine

Give Mark Hufferman a new marker

Catch Mr. Murphy in his S&M outfit

Convince someone that you're God

Learn about 30 different library book titles

Get arrested

Get access to your locker

Open every Kickstarter Backer locker in the school

Perform an aerial escape to avoid the bullies

Find every Jesus

Help the Janitor by ruining Beverly's date

Reveal hidden lasers in the Secret Lab

Forge a signature on the permission slip

Get rid of the wasp nest

Alter your permanent record

Sneak into Golden Haze

Here you go! You deserve it! Everyone deserves it!

Fix Grandma's printer

Collect every costume

Trick Patty into believing Ms. Puffs stole her lunch, then witness the beatdown

Mail out Gertie's scathing letter

Get a free pizza from Rod's Thick Pizza

Retrieve the rope in the school gymnasium

Give Drug Dealer some scar cream

Deliver Grandma's racy photos to Bernie

Complete Part 1 in less than 30 minutes without saving

Find both Ted Bear locations in Part 1

Stare at a bag blowing in the wind

Complete all optional sidequests

Return the signed prom letter to Crystal

Get a pre-order for Lemon Abe's Lemon-Flavored "Lemon" Type Drink

Look at every Permanent Record in the Principal's Office

Remain completely nude for at least 10 minutes.

Find Señor Cleanfist.