Complete a run after earning all 4 goonstones
Complete your first run
Complete 50 runs
Complete a run in under 5 minutes
Complete a run with 500% intoxiation
Have 100,000 items dispensed total
Use 100,000 consumables total
Goon 1,000,000 times
End a run with 20 upgrades active of both UP and G$
Unlock all tickets
Pet the dog