Send the annoying Shize™ cans packing.
Get the whole gang together.
Survive your first night...
Defeat Slaybriel.
Stick to your guns.
Take the difficult path.
Log into Paul's workstation.
Break into the Doctor's account.
Look at something you're not supposed to.
Witness the glory of the flying handguns.
Spend a whole week in the bunker.
Poop.
Watch the documentary from start to finish.
Find a letter from an old acquaintance.
Recruit Rimington of the Dartmoor Rimingtons.
Recruit Viper the golden revolver.
Recruit Marsh & Mello, the UwUzis. (They're not related!)
Recruit Sveta, the muscle mommy RPG.
Satisfy Rimington.
Satisfy Viper.
Satisfy The Twins.
Satisfy Sveta.
Achieve your loadout's wildest dream!
Oil Rimington.
Oil Viper.
Oil The Twins.
Oil Sveta.
Eliminate 100 Goons.
Eliminate 25 Tall Goons.
Eliminate 25 Brute Goons.
Eliminate a Mastermind.
Take too much Caliber™ and achieve ascension.
Spend a night with a seductive succulent.
Destroy a feathered government spy.
Enable BDSM Clowns and USA pronouns, like a true patriot.
Find and eliminate a hidden Shize™ Can.
Complete every One Night Standoff.
Disable the Deep-State Transmitter.
Interact with the Dolphin Storage. Why dolphins?!
Interact with Dr. Reginald Smythe's best-selling book.
Turn off the Radio 5 times.
Get 10 Satisfying Kills in a row.
Complete a night without taking any damage.
Take a Caliber™ pill.
Complete the Shower Saga.
Try to escape from the facility.
Be revived after a close-call.
Don't pay attention to him!
Beat Paul's Hi-Score on Shizeman
Try to climb the ladder.
Lose Minesmasher three times in a row.
Unlock and find Colt's Parody Disc.
Satisfy two guns in a single night.
Start Colt's 4th of July fireworks extravaganza.
Complete Rimi's Can Carnage in 60 seconds or less.