You have joined the KKK.
You completed your first day in South Park.
You defeated the High Jew Elf Kyle in battle.
You defeated the Grand Wizard Cartman in battle.
You befriended the Goths, like everyone else playing this game.
Gingers have bitten you 3 times without you blocking.
You defeated the Boss Hall Monitor while wearing freckles.
You flung a turd of your own creation at an enemy.
While inside Mr. Slave, you summoned Mr. Slave.
You found Jesus while playing as a Jew.
You opened all of the garages in South Park.
You completed the game without selling any items.
You defeated Princess Kenny while looking like David Hasselhoff.
You farted on four major authority figures.
You shat your pants during a boss battle.
You accepted your fate and chose the name Douchebag yourself.
You've farted on a dog while in gnome form.
You knocked out 3 or more enemies with a single fart outside of battle.
You defeated Princess Kenny in your girl makeover disguise.
You've farted on every buddy in the game.
You interrupted 5 channel attacks by using a fart.
You defeated the Meth Tweekers while wearing the Evil Cartman goatee and bald cap.
You defeated Princess Kenny while living with Dire AIDS.
You watched your parents have sex for 60 seconds.
You successfully blocked every enemy attack in a single (non-tutorial) battle.
You farted on 10 enemies in the world that were knocked out.
You defeated 3 enemies in one battle while your buddy was knocked out.
You completed the game and never ended a battle with your buddy knocked out.
You collected 5 Chinpokomon.
You collected 15 Chinpokomon.
You collected all of the Chinpokomon.
You befriended your father.
You made friends with half of South Park.
Everyone in South Park is your friend.
You sold 300 junk items.
You defeated Princess Kenny and recovered the Stick of Truth.
You defeated 20 enemies using Cartman's Ass.
You've farted on people 100 times.
You've farted on animals 25 times.
In three separate battles, you've taken a shit in your pants.
You have collected half of the available costume sets.
You've collected all of the available costumes.
You farted on the corpse of an aborted Nazi Zombie fetus.
You befriended both crab people and gnomes.
Over the course of the game, you've scored 100 perfect attacks.
Over the course of the game, you've blocked 100 attacks.
You've let Kenny die in combat 10 times over the course of the game.
You've unlocked all of the upgrades for a New Kid ability.
You've spent $500.
You own all the weapons and costumes available in the game.